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Brutal Joy

by Lapel

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1.
I Lose Myself 02:56
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I don't trust myself around you But I'm addicted to the sound Of your voice through my speakers And my heart hitting the ground Ooh boy when you touch me Ooh boy when you touch me I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I couldn't find my keys So I took you on the stairs My hands on your throat Your fingers through my hair Ooh boy when you touch me Ooh boy when you touch me I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I'm losing track of time I'm losing half my mind Should I be scared that I I don't wanna be found? I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself I lose myself
2.
Ready 03:52
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Running under the overpass Left my car seven miles back I can’t go back (you know that) I can’t go back you know that Can’t go back to the girl I was oo-oo-oo-oo-oo It feels so good to be terrified Every goosebump just multiples I’m leaving everything behind I’m ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now Thought my ambition was breaking down But I stayed too long in a broken town It isn’t weakness (you know that) It isn’t weakness you know that Knowing when to leave is everything, I think It feels so good to be terrified Every goosebump just multiples I’m leaving everything behind I’m ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now I’m ready now, I’m ready now, ready now I know everyone, every bar, every store I’ve outgrown all the dresses that I’ve ever worn I’ve been trying to leave since the day I was born (ah) I had a dream running down the hall I opened the door to a waterfall I don’t know what it means but I know when a life is too small It’s too small It feels so good to be terrified Every goosebump just multiples I’m leaving everything behind I’m ready now I’m ready now, (ready) I’m ready (ready) now, ready now (ready) I’m ready now, (ready) I’m ready (ready) now, ready now (ready) I’m ready now, (ready) I’m ready (ready) now, ready now (ready) Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah
3.
Just a Little Bit More 03:11
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I feel like everyone can see The grief all over me Like something stuck between my teeth I’m the only one who doesn’t see The pain spikes like a fever in the evening But no one wants to diagnose a feeling I turn up the music in my headphones like a morphine drip I sink back into my seat and baby I begin to slip Oh, oh, oh-ah-oh, ah-oh-oh (Come on girl just a little bit more) Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more I didn’t think I had much left Since the forest fire in my chest Every nerve is burnt from where you stepped There’s a curve of ashes where you slept But in the belly of my belly I dug down until I found A well I didn’t know I had, buried underground It’s gonna take a ton of trips till I can put this fire out But I never would have found it if you hadn’t thrown me down Oh, oh, oh-ah-oh, ah-oh-oh Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more Over the hill and through that door Come on girl just a little bit more
4.
Break My Heart 02:57
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Break my heart I was a fool (he got into my head and into my head) He got into my head to get me into his bed Then I met you (didn’t want to believe, want to believe) Didn’t want to believe you wanted me for me So I shut down I pushed you out If I don’t let you in Then tell me who wins So if you’re gonna leave me, leave me breathless babe And if you’re gonna love me love me all the way I don’t wanna, don’t wanna live halfway so Break my heart If you’re gonna hurt me do it honestly ‘Cause I don’t wanna live in the in-between So come a little, a little closer to me Break my heart I get so tired (always been told, always been told) Always being told my body’s not my own But in my desire (to shield myself, shield myself) To shield myself I built a different cell So I shut down And I pushed you out If I don’t let you in Then tell me who wins (tell me who wins) So if you’re gonna leave me, leave me breathless babe And if you’re gonna love me love me all the way I don’t wanna, don’t wanna live halfway so Break my heart If you’re gonna hurt me do it honestly ‘Cause I don’t wanna live in the in-between So come a little, a little closer to me Break my heart I run through fireworks, sparks on my skin I can’t tell the burning from the beauty So I keep running, I keep running right Right back in So if you’re gonna leave me, leave me breathless babe And if you’re gonna love me love me all the way I don’t wanna live halfway If you’re gonna hurt me do it honestly ‘Cause I don’t wanna live in the in-between So come a little, a little closer to me Break my heart So if you’re gonna leave me, leave me breathless babe And if you’re gonna love me love me all the way I don’t wanna, don’t wanna live halfway so Break my heart If you’re gonna hurt me do it honestly ‘Cause I don’t wanna live in the in-between So come a little, a little closer to me Break my heart
5.
It Can Happen Again 03:17
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To know me without speaking To show me without preaching You gave me that real love And I’m scared that I am never gonna find it again To reach me without touching To teach me without punishing You gave me that real love And I’m scared that I am never gonna find it again Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives Been down a hundred times And still survived So why can’t a once in a lifetime love That found me once Happen twice? Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it I’ve got reasons not to trust (I know, I know, I know, I know) This panic in my gut (I know, I know, I know, I know) But I gotta believe That if it happened once then maybe it can happen again Sometimes I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives Been down a hundred times And still survived So why can’t a once in a lifetime love That I found once Happen twice? Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Sometimes I feel… Maybe I can find it Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Oh if I keep on trying maybe I can find it (maybe I can find it) Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I Maybe I, maybe I, I Maybe I, maybe I, mm mm mm Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I

about

The kinetic pleasure of Brutal Joy is like a gasp for air after being held underwater—ecstatic, but not frivolous. This is hard-won joy, the thrill of arriving when you might not have. That grief and pleasure are so intertwined in these songs is a reflection of Lapel's personal journey as a woman, activist, and artist, as well as the greater context in which the songs were made. Written and recorded in the arc surrounding the pandemic, Brutal Joy became a vehicle for Lapel to exercise her agency. Studying production and drum programming in between community organizing and solo living room dance parties to release the heaviness of her days, Lapel produced alongside Andrew Lappin (Anderson .Paak, Marina, L’Rain) and invited friends to record remotely.

The result is a collection of songs steeped with yearning for freedom as much as they effortlessly provide a sense of it. They remind us of our responsibility to preserve our own joy, and the bounty that awaits if we remain tender in the fight.

credits

released November 3, 2023

Songwriter, Keys, Vocals, Co-producer - Lapel
Co-Producer, Engineer, Mixing, Bass - Andrew Lappin
Mixing (It Can Happen Again) - Steve Kaye
Assistant Engineer - Pedro Calloni
Mastering - Joe LaPorta
Drums - Cody Rhodes, Sam KS
Guitar - Jeremy Lyon
Bass - Patrick Kelly
Saxophone - Doug Pet
Cover Photo - Shervin Lainez
Cover Photo Design - Charlene Kaye
Cover Photo Styling - Phil Gomez
Cover Photo Hair/Makeup - Amy Kate
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Lapel Los Angeles, California

LA-based Singing / Songwriting / Synths. The new EP "Brutal Joy" is out now!

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